I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
