fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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