You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
