What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
