It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm at about main and main street
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
