? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
