We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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