at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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