So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
