tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
