the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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