I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize