for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
