My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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