im having a threesome with these popsicles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
