Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can't turn off my feet"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
