all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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