I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
