Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
