Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
