you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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