I want to make a zoo with you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
