she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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