onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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