can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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