I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
