Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That accounts for only three of the penises
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
