Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize