I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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