there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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