Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
