Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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