I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
