I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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