it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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