we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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