Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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