I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
