I love black thongs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
