We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
