Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
