P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
