i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
