Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
