Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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