I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
