i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
