so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
