1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
