Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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