Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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