You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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