So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
