I am puke
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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