i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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