I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize