I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
