I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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