I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
