my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
porn star boner night. come get it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
