i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize