p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
