as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
