My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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